Forgive to Live in South Carolina

I’m glad I live in the Upstate of South Carolina. I have lived in 10 places in 6 states. I have called Greer, SC home since 1980. For 18 years I served as the president and CEO of a company named CoLinx, headquartered in Greenville. The company had 1200 employees in locations scattered across the US and Canada. We were in the industrial warehousing, transportation, and ecommerce business. We were owned by competing manufacturers who found legal ways to collaborate. In essence, CoLinx moved heavy round things. Like bearings, pulleys, gears and motors. 

My path to this role, and to Greer was improbable, you might even say impossible as I tell you this story.

My middle and high school years were in a lower middle class unincorporated town in Ohio, where buggies and cars shared the road. I moved up from cub scouts to boy scouts, and enjoyed playing baseball, camping and learning skills with my friends in scouting. My two best friends were Mark Bloss who we called Boose Eye and Jim Witherow who we called Woody.

We decided to go for our first merit badge. Cycling merit badge. We learned the rules of the road. We took our bikes apart and put them back together. We mapped and planned our first 25 mile bike hike. As good scouts, we were prepared. I was 13 years old. 

It was a beautiful day, July 9th, 1969. My 26’ Schwinn one speed bike was ready to go. We enjoyed our first 20 miles on 2 lane country roads. We stopped to eat our lunches. Then came the home stretch. Woody led, Boose Eye right behind him, and I lagged about 100 feet going up a long steady straightaway hill.

My next memory is the sound of a crash. Like when you hear two cars crash. Then darkness. I was laying in the grass, really not knowing why. I looked up to see cop cars and ambulances down the road. I stood up and screamed as my shin bones collapsed and burst through my skin. My next memory is in an ambulance. My next memory was 3 days later. 

I asked where Woody and Boose Eye were. They told me both died at the scene of the accident. I still didn’t know what happened. They landed on their heads in a time before helmets. I landed on my left side after colliding with a telephone pole.

A man named Jim Ochletree lived one mile from the accident site. He was driving his 1962 pick up truck over 60 mph as he raced home from the bar he visited after finishing work. After he hit us, he left the scene, and turned himself in 10 hours later. A nationwide manhunt had begun after 8 hours. The radio and TV news reported Boy Scouts killed. A friend of mine came home from visiting relatives out of state for my funeral, because I was also reported dead. Three families were devastated, and lives changed forever.

I was hit on a bike by a pick up truck going over 60 and lived. My left leg was broken in two places and my knee was shattered. I have no left knee cap. While Neil Armstrong walked the moon, I laid in traction on a broken pelvis, with a severely bruised but unbroken back. The report of no internal injuries was deemed a miracle by doctors. 

They said I may never walk again. Within a year after some surgeries and great physical therapy I did. 

Jim Ochltree was sentenced to 2 counts of traffic manslaughter, leaving the scene of an accident, and reckless operation of a motor vehicle. He was given a 6 month sentence in jail, and an 18 month license suspension. My Dad got an insurance settlement of $20K. My friends Dads got $10K each even though they sued for $1M each. Jim Ochltree had no money and minimum insurance.

It left me bitter. It shattered my faith in God. No God could allow my two best friends to die at 13.

I did ok in high school. I was elected president of my class for a couple of years. Then I fell into the abyss of recreational drug use my senior year. Still bitter. And angry with the unfairness of the world. I made it through college while continuing to use drugs recreationally including everything you ever heard of except opiates. 

Few of my high school friends or college friends who used drugs graduated. I did. I got employment in Nebraska. Lucky thing, it was before drug screening. I married my high school sweetheart after years apart. I was offered a job in Greenville which brought us to Greer. 

It wasn’t long before my Greenville co-workers asked me what church I attended. My answer: none. I was still bitter. No God could allow the unfairness I lived through. 

Through my 20’s the recreational drug use continued, and so did the bitterness. But the Upstate SC culture started to permeate my soul. Everyone seemed so nice and most had faith in what I saw as that unfair God. My mother in law wrote to Memorial UMC in Greer and asked them to invite us. We became part of the faith community over time. I learned why the Upstate folks are spiritual. I began to understand there were things I could never understand. 

I got a call from my mother in law asking me if the name of the man who hit us was Ochletree. I told her yes. She said “I thought so, you should know he died”. At age 53. Leaving behind a wife and five children. I felt empathy for him and his family. More importantly, I felt forgiveness towards him, and peace for the first time in over 17 years. 

I have proven that I could forgive a drunk driver who killed my friends and left me physically and spiritually broken. I completely understand that I cannot understand many things. 

I understand I cannot understand. It helped as I raised two girls in Greer. One became an elementary school teacher in Greenville. The other became a physical therapist in part because of my story. Understanding I couldn’t understand helped me in my community of faith. It helped me in my work. I went from being all about myself to being all about making a difference in the lives of others. I went from seeking promotion, to being the best I could be. I quit trying to understand everything or act like I did. It gave me a hunger to learn.

I retired from a career that spanned 42 years. I successfully moved on to life’s next phase. Drug use is decades behind me. Bitterness is gone. Faith is strong. Forgiveness is real. Abraham Lincoln said “that some have succeeded greatly is proof that others can as well”. I have succeeded greatly in forgiveness. It stretches from my life story to my time behind the steering wheel when I drive. Now I seek to forgive faster. 

I believe my journey ended well as a result of living in the Upstate of South Carolina. The faith communities here matter and it shows in the people. This place just makes you want to help in some way. The Upstate culture made a difference in my life and my family’s life. I am profoundly thankful. 

I still don’t ride bikes. I tell folks to wear a helmet. If Woody and Boose Eye had, they may be alive. The Boy Scouts never gave me the merit badge and I never pursued another merit badge. I saw Boose Eye’s parents at my mother in law’s funeral. His father stopped. He looked me in the eye and said “It’s not fair. It’s just not fair.” He had not yet forgiven himself for allowing his son to go on the bike hike over 30 years later. 

If I can forgive, so can you. The faster the better. Forgiving is a better choice in life. It can make you smile and laugh more. It can lower your blood pressure and improve your sleep. It will make you use your car horn or gestures less. It can make you live longer. Live long. And prosper.